We all can have an inner child that requires some attention from time-to-time. This is a concept you may be familiar with if you have ever gone to counselling. Inner child work stems from addressing unmet needs you may have had as a child. When this happens, our minds can keep us there and it can, in essence, blow a temper tantrum at some point in your life. You may not be aware of what exactly is happening, or it could cause strange triggers to appear in your day-to-day life. Once you start to understand the underlying problem, you can address them.

Flags Your Inner Child Needs Attention

Negative Self-image Or Relationship Challenges

There are a few key signs that your inner child needs attention. This can often manifest in persistent struggles with views about yourself. Poor self-esteem and self-worth are big indicators that often stem from unresolved childhood issues. Other signs can include struggling to fit in, or never feeling like you are capable of anything.

One of the most obvious signs of inner child issues is that you are having a big reaction to something that is objectively not a big deal. It may be hard for you to spot it, but listen to the feedback others are giving you. It becomes obvious to you when the reactions keep amplifying. This extends into having difficulty with relationships. If the challenges with family or friends is not obvious, take a step back to see if it is triggering something from the past. Sometimes we take things out on people in an attempt to control the outcome. You may even struggle with intimacy and commitment.

Unhealthy Behaviours

A major sign you need to address your inner child can be unhealthy coping behaviours. Addiction is a big part of this because it can provide an outlet for us not to feel the pain associated with those memories. These memories can be subconscious, and your inner child does everything it can for you to avoid feeling that same hurt again. Sometimes the behaviour can even be self-sabotaging. Once again, by you controlling the outcome, even if it’s bad, you falsely believe you won’t be hurt by the outside world. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy.

Mind-Body Connection

Severe trauma experienced in our younger years often requires inner child work. This can manifest in physical and mental issues until you do the work. This may sound ridiculous if you are unfamiliar with the concept, how could it possibly manifest in your body? But it does. Unresolved issues, big or small, can lead to major problems later in life. This is why mental health awareness at all ages is important. Severe anxiety or depression are also common, but not necessarily the cause of them.

What Causes Inner Child Wounds?

As children, many things can cause us to be hurt. The things that stay with us until our adult years tend to be major incidents or patterns that go deeper into our memories. These can include not getting our basic necessities of a safe home, adequate food, and love. Rejection or abandonment can cause severe issues in adult relationships as you may not have the foundation to have good relationships in your lives. Being bullied can also lead to issues that tie in to humiliation and lack of belonging.

Sometimes children are made to feel shame or guilt as punitive measures. This later manifests in adulthood as insecure individuals who constantly apologize and never feel like they are enough. They often see themselves as failures and will accept abusive behaviours from others because they feel they deserve it somehow.

If abuse of any sort, physical, sexual, or mental existed in the home, that will most definitely have an impact in your adult years if you don’t address what happened. Sometimes the experience is so overwhelming, that you don’t even remember it because your mind has blocked the memory. But the signs might be there.

Steps To Heal

Sometimes, our inner child makes the decision of when this work needs to be done. This is usually after experiencing a major event that triggers a cascade of emotions and or memories. Don’t fight it. It may be inconvenient, it may not be when you want to do it, but trust me, this is the right time. If no major situation has triggered a major incident, but things just seem to be spiralling slowly out of control, perhaps now is the time to consider if you have an inner child that needs your help.

Professional Help

This type of work is best done under the guidance of a trained professional. If you suspect you have an inner child that needs to be taken care of, reach out to a professional to guide you through the process.

Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy (EMDR) are common techniques that a therapist may rely on to treat this type of mental health challenge. Another technique is Internal Family Systems (IFS). This therapy is based on the concept that each person has multiple sub-personalities which can be in conflict with one another, and in some way are protecting you. This helps people identify moments in time when their younger selves experienced things that impacted them. By addressing each of those situations, you begin to understand some of the behaviours that manifest as an adult, and helps you understand why a younger version of yourself was not able to cope with certain things.

Some of the wounds that arise during therapy may come as a surprise if any repressed memories exist, or the memories themselves may be too much to cope on your own. That’s okay. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You are not silly in believing there is a little one within you. They will always be there. Now that you are aware, your job is to help them. Show them that you are capable and ready to face whatever it was they had to go through. You can handle it.

Take Control

Additionally, besides therapy sessions, listening to your inner child is key to moving past the hurt. Practice self-compassion, and allow yourself to feel all the feelings that come up. Avoidance will only make things worse. By implementing self care tools of journaling and mindfulness, you can start to understand yourself better, and sometimes the connection between past experiences and current situations becomes clearer through these activities.

Take time to identify what your needs are. If you don’t have the tools to do it, figure out what you need to do to get them. Sometimes a small behaviour change is enough to get you on the right path. And commit to taking care of yourself over everyone else. If your tank is empty, you can’t help anyone else.

Finally, connect with your inner child and remember what they thought was fun and try to do some of those things again. They may still bring you joy or you may prefer other activities, but injecting the ability to have fun on a regular basis is important to heal.

Get to know your inner child.

Working with a trained professional you can explore how to recover from experiences that have trapped your inner child in a cycle of fear and debilitating behaviours. Reassure your younger self that you are ready and willing to do what it takes. Face all the feelings and memories that you need to. Sometimes through the eyes of an adult, it is easier to understand why some things happened. Embrace your inner child and tell it you love it unconditionally. This type of work is not simple and it takes a long time. The reward of going through this exercise is priceless. You get to live your life to the fullest.

IMAGE CREDIT: Unsplash | Brian Gordillo.