We all bloom at a different pace. Remembering that everyone’s journey is unique is key to finding your inner peace. It is easy to get caught up in other people’s stories and to think that you are not good enough. When you take a step back and realize your journey is your own, you can start to bloom. In fact, you may even realize that you are already blooming.
Oubaitori
Japanese culture uses the term oubaitori to describe the principle that different trees bloom at different times. Cherry blossom season is incredible to experience in Japan. For a few brief days, their full bloom is on display and people picnic in parks to celebrate the arrival of Spring. It is short-lived, but no one is judging the cherry blossom for that. Other trees referenced in oubaitori bloom at different times to the cherry blossom, some earlier, some later. They bloom with different flowers, they smell differently. There is no judgement there.
One does not expect one tree to bear the fruit of another. So why do we expect ourselves to have the same life as someone else? Although trees all share similar traits, they all have their own place in the world, and each has its own worth. In fact, their bloom cycles may differ from year-to-year based on how each tree adapts to its environment. Some years they sprout a little later, and some years the blooms can last a few more days. No one criticizes the tree for the change. We simply appreciate their unique beauty. The tree continues to cycle through life without ever comparing itself to the tree next to it, nor does it try to be different than its own nature.
Honouring Your Own Bloom
When you choose to prioritize your own self care, it can be hard to make the shifts in your life that are necessary. Much of that can come from a lifetime believing you are not enough. Not only do we compare ourselves to others, we also hear the message when it is directed to us from the people that are in our lives. Furthermore, social media has only augmented the severity of this. We only see picture-perfect lives in the spotlight, and exciting, glamorous experiences that can make you feel like you’re missing out. Fear of missing out has become a huge trap for people not honouring their own journey.
When you hide your emotions through consumption of things, superficial relationships, experiences, and general busyness, you are preventing yourself from blooming. Distractions keep you from figuring out who you really are. It can sometimes feel easier to try and mimic other people’s lives than it is to figure out your own. But you will not feel at peace with yourself and you may not even be aware of it.
Hindered bloom symptoms
When you are constantly stressed, or fatigued, or irritable, it is often a sign that you are not in good harmony with yourself. In modern times, we cram too much in a day, taking on too many commitments, and neglect ourselves in the process. We’ve become uncomfortable with doing nothing or being in silence. Unfortunately, this translates into impacting your own natural rhythm.
Often the expectations of family, friends, and work can impact how we carry ourselves day-to-day. Add in endless scrolling on our phones with a multitude of “perfect” lives shining a magnifying glass on our “insignificant” lives. Have you ever caught yourself comparing yourself to what you see on the screen? Or even compared yourself to your neighbours, friends, or colleagues?
Even though you may know that the images you see are manufactured, you most likely still hold yourself to those standards. You forget that the perfect family vacation your friend posted will now put them in more debt and will take them over a year to pay off. The colleague that started a business has no clue what their doing, but they tell a good story. The rich and famous also have bad days, just because they can afford more doesn’t mean they have more meaningful lives. In fact, it is often the opposite.
Adopting an oubaitori mindset
Start by accepting that your journey is unique to yourself and stop the comparison game. Once you accept that your life does not need to replicate anyone else’s, you can start to live the life you want. This comes with a lot of self-reflection and some possible trial-and-error. Understand that your self-worth is key to your personal growth, show yourself compassion when you feel you don’t have all the answers, and stick to your commitment to yourself. Resilience is a big part of the journey. Don’t let the fall stop you, dust yourself off and keep going.
Bloom at your own pace.
Oubaitori is a great metaphor to understand our own place in the world. A tree will never compare itself to another, nor will it try to change it’s own being. It is easy to see how comparing ourselves constantly to others, we can make ourselves miserable. The stress you can experience by feeling you are never enough can significantly affect your life, and your well-being. Now more than ever, people find themselves exposed to unrealistic standards in personal and professional lives.
Everyone is in a race to get somewhere, but half the time you don’t even know what race you are in. A lot of the activities you do in a day serve no purpose, nor do they replenish your reserves. So why do you keep doing them? Why do you sustain toxic relationships that drain you with every encounter, and sometimes with just the thought of spending time with them? Start to reflect on who your authentic self is and start to eliminate the outside noise. It will take time, there are cycles to life, and they can look different from one year to the next. Focus on the present and honour yourself. What makes you happy, what helps you grow, what makes you shine. Figure out how to bloom.
IMAGE CREDIT: Unsplash | Crystal Kay.