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Master

Speak Up! Advocating For Yourself

Advocating for yourself is one of the hardest things you learn how to do. If you already do it, amazing! You are ahead of where most people are. Self-advocacy is speaking up for what you need, desire, or your rights. Advocating for yourself is difficult because it often feels selfish or rude. Some people may have even been told that it is wrong to do, so now they don’t self-advocate to avoid conflict. Unfortunately, if you don’t know how to advocate for yourself, you become an easy target, and the only person that suffers is you. If you don’t speak up for yourself, others will make decisions on your behalf. Odds are, they won’t have your best interests in mind. By learning to speak up, you can not only improve your own confidence and self-worth, but also your resilience to confront difficult situations, and your relationships.

Areas Of Life Where You Need To Be Advocating For Yourself

You need to advocate for yourself in all contexts of life. Yes, it’s hard to do, and in some instances more so. It’s also a challenge to start speaking up if you haven’t before. But better late than never. Self-advocacy is hard because you need to have self-awareness and understand what your priorities in life are. These can be difficult to pinpoint when you are struggling, which makes advocating for yourself even tougher. Additionally, it also makes you take ownership of your decisions and choices.

Self-advocacy is only possible once you understand yourself and your needs, especially related to self-care. It has a direct correlation on how you perceive the world around you and your place in it. What is and is not in your control is reaffirmed. Furthermore, it helps establish boundaries in relationships, and delineates your values of right and wrong. Your ability to communicate improves with each instance, so you get better at doing it each time.

Key areas to consider prioritizing self-advocacy include:

Health care

Many people feel frustrated with how health care systems are functioning these days. Shortages in staffing in health care is a real problem. It is not only delaying care, it is also affecting the quality of care many people receive. Overworked, tired staff can easily miss something or disregard symptoms because of their own issues with self-care. Often times, if you suffer from chronic conditions, you have a complicated diagnosis, or you suffer from mental health, you feel ignored by the very system that is supposed to be there for you. You are left frustrated, in pain, scared, and lost. Although speaking up may feel futile at times, the more you do it, the better you get at it. Additionally, you increase the chances of being heard and getting the care you need.

Relationships

Family, friends, and intimate relationships are hard, but when you feel you have no say, they are even harder. By learning to advocate for your needs, you can influence outcomes. This is how setting up boundaries can make a significant difference. People will often push back at first, and some may leave your life altogether. If that happens, most likely those are toxic relationships that you are better off terminating anyways. Speaking up also helps other people understand you better. We often assume they should know us, but nobody can read minds. Even after years of being in a relationship, it can be difficult to fully know someone. By establishing advocacy from both sides, it strengthens relationships that are worth salvaging.

Workplace

You most likely spend most hours of your day doing work for someone else. Know your rights as an employee, they can vary by where you live and the type of work that you do. But if something doesn’t feel right, chances are, you’re picking up on something that is wrong. Seek help from trained professionals to understand what an employer can expect of you. Advocate for yourself if there are violations. Sometimes things gets missed. Bringing it to the attention of leaders or human resources may help rectify the situation. But if it is a toxic environment, despite speaking up, things may not change and you have to make a decision if you stay or go.

Tips On Advocating For Yourself

Advocating for yourself can be intimidating if you haven’t learnt how to do it and it can take a lot of courage. I struggle doing it too, but by pushing myself to do it, I can see improvements happening. So here are a few ways to start:

  • when you order a drink or food and the order you get is wrong, say something and get it corrected;
  • when you feel someone has not heard what you said to them, say so and repeat the information. You can even ask them to paraphrase to ensure they understood what you were trying to communicate;
  • when establishing boundaries with people in your life, stick to what you said, repeat the message, and follow through with any consequences you outlined in your boundary-setting;
  • when you don’t understand instructions for an assignment at work or school, ask for clarification;
  • when you see a doctor and they disregard your symptoms, you can let them know you feel dismissed. You can also ask for diagnostic tests or get a second opinion;
  • if you have accessibility requirements, don’t be afraid to request them. You can do so when applying for a job, writing a test, or in the workplace. These can be existing needs or new to you;
  • when someone does something wrong to you, don’t be afraid to call them out on it;
  • if you experience workplace issues, bring it up with someone you trust. Consider leaving if it is not a good fit for you; and
  • learn the difference between aggressive and assertive communication. Express yourself in the latter which is respectful yet to the point.

Seek help from a trained professional if advocating for yourself is terrifying, or doing so could put you in danger. This is one of the hardest things to do in life, so be compassionate with yourself as you learn this essential skill.

Know yourself & your rights. Express your needs & desires.

Advocating for yourself can be hard, it takes a little courage, but it is extremely empowering! No one will do it better than you, and don’t assume that anyone will do it for you. You are a unique being with changing needs and desires. So you are the best one to know what and when you need something. Start small, build confidence, and don’t be afraid of what others think. When you approach advocacy as a true expression of your needs, you are not being unreasonable, just remember to stay calm and respectful. Show people you are strong, and that you have values. Although you may not get the results you are looking for at first, and it may take repeated attempts, speaking up gives you a chance to be seen.

Advocating for yourself is one of the best tools you can add to your self-care toolkit. By learning to put yourself first, you can prioritize your self-care and self-advocacy is the way to verbalize it. Sometimes the only control you have over a situation is how you advocate for yourself. By speaking up, you share with others what matters to you, what you need, and what you are willing to accept.

IMAGE CREDIT: Unsplash | Christopher Stites.