The ability to be confident can have a great impact on one’s life, but many of us fail to be so. Confidence increases as you become better at a skill or when you have a new appreciation for a quality within yourself. Negative life experiences can lead to diminished confidence levels. Growing up in a dysfunctional home, underperforming in school, being passed over for promotions at work, failed relationships, financial difficulties, all can be a blow to your confidence. Experiencing multiple scenarios over time, brings that even lower. Some also say that genetics and personality can influence confidence. The good news is that confidence is a learnable skill.

What It Is & Isn’t

Confidence is not about feeling superior to others, it is knowing that you are capable of doing something. This is a healthy approach to life, and does not rely on the validation of others for your self-worth. This does not mean you don’t need relationships in your life. Having them increases oxytocin levels in your body, which builds a connection with those you interact with, reinforcing your confidence because you are worthy of being loved. Being confident doesn’t stop you from trying new things, it keeps fear at bay, and undoubtedly reassures you in your own decision-making. It allows you to accept yourself for who you are.

When you are feeling confident, you experience higher levels of serotonin, the feel good chemical. The impact of serotonin is positive self-worth, and it also reduces stress. Endorphins also help with feeling great overall. The runner’s high can be addictive for people that rely on endorphins to feel good about themselves. Knowing this, you can deploy vigorous exercise prior to a key encounter for which you are lower in confidence.

Building Your Confidence

If you struggle with confidence, it’s hard to even know where to start. Here are a few things to try and get you one step closer to being your most confident self.

1. Act the part. When faced with a public performance, whether it be leading a pitch for venture funding, the first time doing a show for an audience, or that big game to get you into the finals, supporters often will tell you to “Fake it ‘til you make it!”. Ironically, by forcing yourself to pretend you are confident, you unconsciously start to believe it. And the effects of this behaviour can lead to improved performance and confidence.
2. Make a list. Another way to build your confidence is making a list of accomplishments, whether those be in your personal or professional life. By looking at what you have managed to achieve to this point, it helps you realize your abilities, challenges you have overcome, and the satisfaction that came with those wins can flood back into your memory bank, leading to positive feelings once again. When people are really struggling with their confidence, reviewing this list and adding to it can lead to improvements. The wins can be little or big, they all count.
3. Set a goal. Do you want to master a second language? Are you trying to improve your public speaking skills? Are you hoping to sign-up for a marathon race later this year? If these are things you want to accomplish, but a lack of confidence is keeping you from starting or improving, define the steps within the goal to get you on the right path. By accomplishing steps within the greater goal, the goal becomes more attainable, and your confidence builds. This is supported by the release of dopamine in your brain which spikes when you reach each milestone, encouraging you to continue on your path. Attaining the ultimate goal will be a huge boost in confidence.
4. Positive self-talk. Take a good look at yourself in the mirror. What do you see? If you lack confidence, you most likely have a skewed perception of yourself. In order to become more confident, try to see past what you normally see. Pretend the person looking back at you is someone else. What do you see now? Go beyond the physical appearance. Do you see a hard-working person? Do you see someone who loves to read books? Do you see someone who was kind to a stranger on the street? By focusing on positive aspects of your life, your self-image improves, and in turn, your confidence improves.

The power of confidence

Having confidence can be a life-changer. Confidence builds your inner strength, which in turn, helps you tackle setbacks in other areas where you are not as confident or knowledgeable. It also allows you to bounce back faster from failure. Confident individuals have a better life overall. They are more adventurous, they have a growth mindset, and they live life fully. People often see these individuals as more successful, more attractive, and more fun to be around.

A word of caution – too much confidence can be perceived as being arrogant or can lead to failure if you have overestimated your ability to accomplish something. Try to strike a healthy balance.

Are you confident?

A truly confident person does not look for approval from others, and show themselves compassion when something does not work out. Their self-worth is strong and accept that at times they will make mistakes. Because of this, they can set better boundaries with other people, an essential skill for self care. Knowing what is and is not in their control also strengthens their ability to be confident. By taking action, you too can get on the road to confidence too.

IMAGE CREDIT: Unsplash | Alexander Grey.