Letting go can be easier said than done. But sometimes, it’s the one thing we need to learn in order to move on. Letting go of an idea, a dysfunctional relationship, of your dreams, it is all hard. The first step in releasing what is holding you back, is realizing that it is causing a problem. More often than not, what we need to let go of keeps us trapped in the past, and this deteriorates our mental health. The situation may not be in your control, but what is, is your response.
Major Life Changes
At times, we desperately hang on in the hope things will turn in our favour. But at times, when faced with major life changes or decisions, it can be hard to let go of how things were. These can include a change in work, a relationship, financial burdens, medical emergencies, loss of a home, a natural disaster, and more. A crisis can be an extreme result of any of these situations. The reason why things are hard to let go of is because they are often not in our control and it wasn’t expected. With time, we can often start to see that we can’t do much to change the situation. Then it starts to become easier to wrap our heads around what’s happening.
This is why having good supports in our life is critical for our self care. They can help us get through the transitionary period, and can provide an objective point of view. Once we acknowledge what is happening or has happened, we can start to make decisions on next steps, and take action. As soon as this starts, we start to feel empowered again. The situation may still suck, but at least what comes next is partly in your control.
Perspective Changes
This involves the need to change an idea that we are tied to, a goal, or a dream. Sometimes one of the hardest things to do is change how we think about things. Our way of thinking develops over time and is influenced by our experiences. Often, it is also tied to our identity, which is why it becomes difficult to let go. Admitting your way of thinking needs to change, can be perceived by some as admitting that you were wrong or that there is a better way. That is hard, but not necessarily true. If you can’t see that, it can eat at your ego and your self-esteem.
When we work towards something it is hard to give it up. Knowing when to cut your losses is key to minimizing the impact on you. By having a positive mindset, you can find the silver lining in every situation. This will open doors you didn’t even know existed. Down the road, time will help you see that it was the right decision, but it doesn’t take away the initial sting.
Paths To Letting Go
Below are a few key things to consider when you need to let go of a situation, a concept, or relationship:
Commit
Start by making a commitment to let go. If you make the decision in your mind, it will set you off in the right direction. Until you commit, it will be hard to take any further action. Moving forward is important for your well-being, otherwise you risk affecting your mental health, and consequently, your physical health.
Feel it
Feel the feelings that are amplified during this time. Letting go involves acknowledging that you’ve experienced some sort of loss. It is okay to feel grief, anger, disappointment, fear, and even relief. The trick is not to let those emotions overwhelm you and control your decision-making.
Take responsibility
Take responsibility for what you did or did not do that led to the situation (if any), and eliminate the “should haves” from your thought process. The concept usually invokes negative feelings. If we aren’t able to follow through with them, then we feel guilty and the pressure builds. We often default to “should haves” when we think we still need to do something to impact that outcome. Odds are there is nothing we can do.
You need to explore where some of these beliefs come from. Is it something you truly need to do? Is it tied to someone else’s expectation of you? If you made a mistake, you need to learn how to forgive yourself, and figure out how you can do better in future.
Mindfulness
When we need to let go of what can no longer be, mindfulness is essential to get you through the transition. Mindfulness helps build your ability to shift your focus. This helps reduce rumination and reduce stress in an otherwise stressful time in your life.
Trust
Trust is a major factor in being able to let go, regardless if it is tied to a major life change or a change in perspective. That trust can be in other people, but more importantly, it needs to be in yourself.
By having good self care, you can trust that you can get through anything. Revisit your toolkit and see if you need to add new tools in times of need. Trust that you will find a way, even in those dark moments.
Set new goals
With every major transition in life, it’s the perfect time to review your goals and set new ones. Through the process of letting go, you will encounter new information and new possibilities. This can inform your new goals and can help you focus your energy on something positive. Some can even see that what was lost, simply put them on a new path for something better.
Let go of what no longer is.
Letting go is hard. Learning how to let go is crucial for us to grow and accept change in our lives. Surround yourself with people who will support you, and don’t hesitate to seek out mental health professionals if you need additional help letting go of something or someone. By facing your feelings, thoughts, and behaviours, you can build resilience, and find a way to move on. This is a perfect time to make new goals, and add new self care skills to your toolbox.
IMAGE CREDIT: Unsplash | Fuu J.