Limiting beliefs can create chaos in our lives if we are not aware we have them. One of the hardest things to do when tackling our stressors and living our best lives is addressing the stories we tell ourselves day-in and day-out. By examining the root of these messages, we can start to change the narrative. Therapists will often ask what a particular story is telling you. And to be honest, it took me a long time to figure out what they were talking about. So here is my take on how you can change your limiting beliefs to stop hindering the life you want to achieve.
Negative Self-Talk
Negative self-talk can easily go unnoticed. Social media has exacerbated the comparison game. People post their best life, so it’s easy to forget that they have challenges just like you and we fall into the trap of thinking they are better than us. We often compare ourselves to them and think we’re too old, don’t look a certain way, or don’t have enough money. But none of those things should factor into your ability to change your life.
Limiting beliefs can include subtle comments like saying you look silly when trying to exercise or when you try to speak a foreign language. Who cares? This often stems from a prior incident, typically one where people laughed at you, so your guard is up. You don’t want to be laughed at again because that was humiliating. And if it happens again, you will be mortified. Sound familiar to anyone? It may seem extreme to some people, but limiting beliefs can easily cascade into catastrophe.
Switch the narrative on limiting beliefs
By learning to hear this negative self-talk when it is happening, you can start to put a stop to it. Finding ways to alter the story can start to diminish it’s impact. Shift the talk from I look silly exercising to focusing on the growth from one day to the next. Hey, I managed to get a few more reps today or I managed to add a couple more minutes to my run today!
Confidence and high self-worth also play a huge part in how we talk to ourselves. If we are lacking both, then it is easy to get lost in the stories others tell us. By building your confidence and self-worth, you start to see yourself for who you really are. You start to appreciate the quirks, and embrace your uniqueness. This in turn starts to shift your limiting beliefs to stories that support your authentic self.
Perfectionism
Another culprit for limiting beliefs is perfectionism. This can stem from prior critiques that your performance needed to be better, or even growing up in a household where expectations were unrealistic. You are human, and that means you make mistakes. You can’t measure yourself against anyone else because everyone has different abilities and experiences.
Perfectionism is a limiting belief because you tell yourself it isn’t good enough constantly. Even if you get there, you focus on any mistakes along the way or minor imperfections that stand out, so you never actually feel satisfied reaching that goal, nor do you feel good about your efforts. Perfection does not exist. For people that experience this limiting belief, it can truly impact their daily lives. By identifying what good enough is for you, you can start to release it’s hold on you.
Stopping Before You Even Start
Giving up before you even try something is another limiting belief. Being paralyzed to take action often stems from the belief that it won’t be good enough. This is similar to perfectionism, but the difference is that you can’t even get started. How do you know you won’t be good enough if you don’t even try? Normally, you need to practice something before you get good at it, and good has a certain level of subjective expectation behind it.
Often this type of limiting belief comes from a couple of sources. The first can be from comments people have said to you in the past when you tried to do this very thing or something similar. This leads you to believe that their words are true, therefore, you will never be able to do this. By moving past these comments and telling yourself that you aren’t good at it yet, but you are working on it, you can feel a little bit more at ease in tackling this challenge. Self-compassion is vital to dismantle long-held limiting beliefs.
The other source of this limiting belief comes from a lack of experience. Anything new is hard. But if you’ve lived a life where you do the same thing over and over again, then anything new will be scary and hard to wrap your head around. Shifting to a growth mindset will help you accept new challenges, big and small. By using a goals oriented approach, you can set milestones along the way to keep you motivated.
Identity’s Hold On Limiting Beliefs
This may sound odd, but how we identify ourselves is a huge factor in our limiting beliefs. I’m not an athlete therefore I can’t exercise. This is a common excuse for people not to do any activity. The limiting belief is that because they are not an athlete, all activity is off the table. They limit all sorts of movement, which is a critical self-care pillar. Sometimes this stems from a comment someone made in their past, but sometimes it is just how people see themselves. They’ve never identified as someone who does exercise, so why should they start now?
We are different identities in different contexts. And if self-care is important to you, then learn how to shift your identity to enable self-care activities to be present in your life. This shift in your beliefs is key to your success. We are all good at some things, and not so much at others. Embrace that. Even after trying, you may never be good at something, and that’s okay.
Identity can be conflicted as well by your values. We often don’t question the values we have, but we should review them regularly. We often inherit the values of the people we are surrounded by, but they may not be the values that our true identity matches. So when you follow those values, you may feel a disconnect in life and not truly understand why. Therefore, as part of your evolving identity, spending time on values work can also help eliminate limiting beliefs.
Rewrite the stories you tell yourself to live your best life.
Start listening to the stories you tell yourself and figure out which ones are tied to limiting beliefs. What are they? How can you re-write them to change your life for the better? Take the stories others have told you and change them to what you want your own truth to be. Others expectations of you are irrelevant, as is their perception of who you are. Your identity changes based on the context you are in, so if you need to change your environments to make your journey better fit your new story, don’t be afraid to move on. Learn to set goals for your life with metrics that you dictate, and remember that perfectionism doesn’t exist. Only compare yourself with the you from yesterday and nobody else. By being authentic to yourself, you can break through the barriers imposed on you by others over time.
IMAGE CREDIT: Unsplash | Social Cut.