Patience is said to be a true virtue, but there are limits to it. Modern society is becoming more susceptible to immediate gratification and there is an emphasis on self over community. This is contributing to a drop in patience, which in turn leads to higher stress, and more conflict. Understanding the common causes of impatience can help you identify areas of improvement you need to work on, while improving your tolerance for life’s challenges.

Roots Of Impatience

Patience is your capacity to accept and deal with delays or problems without getting upset. It is an exercise in self-control, emotional regulation, and understanding your place in the world. It’s easier to identify the surface level triggers of impatience like traffic jams, line-ups, and that annoying colleague. But it is often much harder to get to the root cause of those triggers. Practicing patience requires self-awareness and different skill sets.

Patience, or lack thereof, can be triggered commonly by people or things out of our control. By understanding what is and is not in our control, we can mitigate some of these scenarios. When you feel stuck or don’t have a sense of purpose, this can also erode patience. Furthermore, when you are working towards a goal and your progress is slow, if you are impatient, you run the risk of giving up.

We tend to be wrapped up in our own problems and don’t realize that others also have things that they are dealing with as well. As a result, when a friend, family member or colleague doesn’t do what you expect, you can easily lose your patience. Another problem is that you might not actually hear what they are saying because of the stories you tell yourself. But, it is hard to be patient when someone is exhibiting toxic behaviour towards you, and that is okay. People still need to be accountable for their own actions.

Impatience can be triggered by poor self care. When you don’t ensure your self care pillars are taken care of, you increase your likelihood of losing your patience. Hunger, dehydration, and fatigue can all contribute to impatience. Furthermore, if you are experiencing illness or pain, it will make patience more difficult.

Tips To Improve Your Patience

The first step to improve your patience is to become aware of the underlying triggers. By taking care of your mind and body, you can improve your ability to be more patient. Developing better coping mechanisms will also build your tolerance for daily stressors. Accept that discomfort is part of the process and channel your efforts to find a solution.

Fundamentals

• Ensure you have your self care pillars in place. Prioritize nutrition, exercise regularly, get proper rest, and build your connections.
• Disconnect from the digital world to reduce your need for immediate gratification. This will go a long way when learning patience on things that take longer than expected. You can also make a conscious shift to slow down.
• Breathe and practice mindfulness daily. This builds awareness of how your thoughts, behaviours, and emotions are interconnected. Allow yourself to feel the good and the bad, it builds strength.
• Compassion. Everyone is going through something, and often we don’t talk about the hard stuff. Approach others with compassion and extend it to yourself too. Life is hard, and at times it’s even harder. Leave the judgement out of the equation.
• Express gratitude daily. When you can focus on the things you are grateful for, you can often move past minor setbacks and mistakes.
• Have fun and bring laughter into your life. All work and no play doesn’t lend itself to patience. Life is about balance, and only you can find the right one for you. When life feels good, you tend to have an abundance of patience.

Self-reflection & learning

• Know the things that are in your control and not. Make a list. More often than not, it will surprise you. The story you tell yourself in your head versus what is on the page tends to look very different. By reframing the situation, you can let patience guide you. Remember that the world does not revolve around you, and sometimes you just have to accept how things are.
• Prioritize your life. Figure out what is competing for your attention, what is draining you unnecessarily, and organize yourself. Manage your time and eliminate what doesn’t serve you. You will regain composure and increase your ability to be patient.
• Learn to actively listen. By understanding what others are communicating, a lot of frustration and conflict can be avoided. Communication is hard for everyone.
• Stretch your comfort zone by learning something new. This will build your tolerance for things that make you feel discomfort, which will help you build your patience.
• Use SMART-L goals to work towards major change. This allows you to have metrics to track and break it down into actionable steps to see the progress. This will increase your patience when working on individual growth.
• Examine your core beliefs and values. As hard as this sounds, sometimes we need to take a hard look at why we hold the beliefs and values that we do. If they are no longer relevant, or they are not conducive to you being your authentic self, it’s time for a change. When you align across all of these, you will have more patience towards yourself, others, and situations.

Patience can make the journey easier.

Patience is hard, but it can make a big difference in establishing healthy relationships. It can also help you navigate difficult times. Reflect on each incident of impatience, and figure out what the underlying cause was. Then, find a solution from your self care toolkit or add a new one from the list above. Not having patience can lead to conflict, frustration, and in turn, more stress. By learning how to increase your patience, you can have a positive impact on your frame of mind.

IMAGE CREDIT: Unsplash | Wim Arys.