Many of us expect more from ourselves than we do others. We also find it easier to be compassionate towards others rather than ourselves. Part of this can be from having different expectations of ourselves, or because we think we should know better. Therapists will often ask clients, “What advice would you give your best friend if they were going through what you are going through?” or they ask “How you would treat a younger version of yourself in the same situation?”, and there is the switch! As soon as you take yourself out of the equation, you can see the answer. So why is that when we look at ourselves, we expect a different outcome?
What Is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion is not the same as feeling sorry for yourself. When someone we care about is suffering, we often feel inclined to help them. And self-compassion is turning that same urge to help inwards on yourself. This means being kind and understanding towards ourselves. It is accepting that we are only human. We all fail, and we all suffer. Everyone experiences shortcomings, disappointments, and challenges in life. Additionally, we all have moments where we feel we are not enough, so learning to turn the inner critic off is also important. Dial up the encouragement, find what motivates you, and practice self-care.
Ways To Practice Self-Compassion
Below are a few self care practices that can help boost your self-compassion. They are by no means an exhaustive list, but a good starting point:
Practice self care basics
Set yourself up for success by ensuring your self care pillars are balanced. At the very least, this includes making sure you are providing your body with proper nutrition, rest, and exercise. Additionally, connect with others to reaffirm you are supported and loved. Each of those four pillars should be customized to your personal needs, but if one or more are not fulfilled, you will feel out-of-balance.
Check in with yourself
Through the course of the day, make sure to do a mental scan of how you are feeling, physically, mentally, and emotionally. By ensuring you take your bio-breaks, you can make sure to reset and arm yourself for the remaining challenges of the day.
Reflection
Spending time reflecting on your day and yourself is a great way to be more compassionate towards yourself. This gives you space to explore any thoughts and feelings that are clinging to you that need to be resolved. Sometimes in the heat of the moment, it is hard to think straight, and we may not be aware of our own triggers. Dedicating time to listening to what that inner voice is telling you can help put it all into perspective. This includes not only the words, but the message and tone. Once you identify that, try to figure out why. Is there a greater issue you need to address?
I find that by dedicating a few minutes during my daily wind-down to identify these energy drains, I can put them to rest and optimize my sleep. Now that I’ve been doing this for a while, I am also able to identify what I can do better. If you are struggling to get to the root of these issues or need help with self-compassion, don’t hesitate to seek help from a medical professional.
Do calming activities
By practicing mindfulness or engaging in meditation, you can teach your mind to calm down. This is a key factor to enable clarity, which in turn will quiet the negative thoughts that strengthen inner critics. When our minds are depleted, it is easy to judge ourselves and forget how to be kind. This just aggravates the situation and is not serving any purpose. By finding time to breathe and focus, you can be better prepared to practice self-compassion.
Celebrate yourself
We often try to boost a friend in need by highlighting all of their strengths, telling them they are loved, and at times treating them to some fun to make them feel better. So why don’t we do the same for ourselves? Expecting someone else to do it for us can only lead to disappointment. By putting that expectation on others, you are also affecting how you perceive your own worth. By consciously looking at how to show yourself empathy and recognize all the good in yourself, you can give yourself a mental well-being boost. It may even release some of those feel-good hormones!
Unexpected Outcomes Of Self-Compassion
True self-compassion allows you to feel what you feel, without judgement or criticism. It gives you permission to not be perfect, to accept your own humanity. This is so hard for a lot of people. We can’t always control the hand we are dealt, but we can learn how we respond to it. By not fearing failure or hurt, we are more likely to be curious and try new things. These can be tied to activities, career moves, relationships, or lifestyle changes. Furthermore, self-compassion leads to more realistic expectations. Consequently, this reduces your stress and anxiety about life in general, and leads to an overall improved mood.
Not surprisingly, by learning to be more compassionate towards yourself, you will become more compassionate towards others too. This will lead to improved relationships in both your personal and professional life, and an overall feeling of being more connected.
Take your own advice!
We can all fall short of our own expectations or those of others, but at the end of the day, you can’t let it eat you up. By showing yourself self-compassion, you can learn from failures, stop judgement in it’s tracks, and accept you are not invincible. You might be surprised by what comes up during moments of reflection, and the benefits of self-compassion.
Be as kind to yourself today as you would be to a younger version of you. Alternatively, be as kind as you are towards a person you care about. By realizing that you are like everyone else on the planet, you give yourself a little breathing room when things go wrong. And at the core of it all, through self-compassion you can accept yourself for who you are, the good and all the rest of it too.
IMAGE CREDIT: Unsplash | Didssph.