Self-worth is the basis for self-acceptance and self-love. Without those, it is hard to feel acceptance and love from other people. It starts with being comfortable with who we are as a person – the physical self, our character, our beliefs and values. Having a healthy sense of self-worth allows you to take care of your own needs, and stop expecting others to meet them. It is also about forgiveness for our past mistakes, and acknowledging that not everything is in our control. It is knowing your purpose and what brings you joy in life.
Self-worth Versus Self-esteem
Self-worth is the internal sense of being good enough or being confident in our own competency, and recognizing that we are worthy of love and belonging; in other words, knowing that we are valuable beings. Part of that involves accepting ourselves for who we are, the good and the bad. It doesn’t mean we don’t try to improve our faults, but we accept that as part of who we are. We continue to work on our character flaws through our life journey, and we accept and embrace the physical imperfections. We accept ourselves despite what others may say or do.
Self-esteem is external in that it is a reflection of how we think, feel, and believe we are as individuals, but through the lens of other people. We should seek to eliminate toxic individuals from our lives. Self-esteem is also a perception of how we measure up to our held values and beliefs. But they could be setting unattainable expectations based on someone else’s constructs. Self-esteem can be altered significantly by successes and achievements. This can lead to problems as there is no guarantee or consistency on when these come, making our own opinion of our traits and abilities vulnerable to negative self talk. Self-esteem is unfortunately tied to external factors, but by working on our self-worth, we can increase our self-esteem.
Identifying Low Self-worth
With the day-to-day hustle we often face, we sometimes don’t realize that our self-worth is low. This can be dangerous to our overall well-being, and it is important to recognize these flags for our own self care regime. One of the first major indicators something is wrong is difficulty in relationships and intimacy. We begin to get defensive and blame others for things that are going wrong in our lives. We lack a sense of purpose, and therefore, do not feel fulfilled. Personal boundaries have disappeared, this may start in one circle of your life, be it family, work or friends, and then quickly spreads to others. Your career is in the dumps, you fear that you are failing and constantly feel you will be fired for underperforming.
More concerning patterns include addictive behaviour, from alcohol and drugs, to gambling, shopping and more. These behaviours feed a need to feel a certain way. Eating disorders are often associated with this category too. Whether it be overeating, or not eating at all, and consciously or not, it is a way to exert control over ones life. And lastly, intentional self-harm, which can often manifest itself as cutting or burning oneself. It isn’t intended to be life-threatening, but it can lead to further issues as it can cause shame and guilt after the initial release of tension experienced by the pain.
Steps To Improve Self-worth
Dissect & plan
Take a hard look at your life and figure out what needs to change, be that people, work, or values. Knowing what you want out of life, will help drive your goals and the steps to get there. By dedicating time and regular check-ins, you remind yourself that you are worth the time and investment.
Take care of you first
Just as they tell you on the plane, put the oxygen mask on first, you need to do the same in day-to-day life. Many women struggle with this as they are often the main caregiver in the lives of children and aging parents. They often take on more at work and are constantly there for friends in need. But if you don’t take care of yourself first, you run the risk of not being able to be there for others when they really need you. Learn to state your needs, learn to say no, and establish boundaries.
Kindness
Be kind to yourself. Stop judging yourself and comparing yourself to others. Self-worth has to be only about you and not anyone else. We all have different paths, so you need to view your own path in isolation. Accept that things may not go to plan, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Focusing in on what you want in life, and not what you don’t want, may help clarify your path forward if you find yourself in a rut. We all have limitations, so stop beating yourself over it. Show yourself the compassion you would show someone else if they were going through what you are.
Positivity
Finding ways to be positive in life is essential to having good self-worth. Bad things happen all the time. It doesn’t mean you are a bad person, or not worthy of love and belonging. Going down a negative spiral can often be detrimental to your overall self-worth, so finding ways to break that circuit is essential. This includes stopping the limiting beliefs about yourself. And when faced with a negative situation or thought, try to find the silver lining.
Reach out to your support network
Ensuring you have people in your life that you can reach out to when needing a hand is essential. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable in front of others. It is not a sign of weakness, but of great strength. If you don’t have the right people in your life, the first step is to remove those toxic people from your life. Find new ones that will love you for your true self. Support networks exist in the form of help lines if you don’t have people you feel you can reach out to. Seeking professional medical advice is always an option too.
Be grateful
Focus daily on what you are grateful for in your life. Keeping a gratitude journal is a great way to reinforce this behaviour. Tell those in your life that you appreciate them regularly will also be a key piece to this process. By acknowledging all the things you are grateful for, versus focusing on all the things you are lacking, you turn your attention to the good in your life.
Know your worth
Knowing your inherent value as a human being allows you to not measure yourself against external factors, like your job, what others think of you, your material possessions, and the relationships you hold. You accept your imperfections, you acknowledge that you will make mistakes along the way, and inevitably will let someone down.
Having a high degree of self-worth means that you feel you are worthy of health, happiness, fortune, and love. It does not deny that you will face challenges and disappointment. Nor that other’s may see you differently than you see yourself. Self-worth allows you to become more open to new experiences and new challenges, and your purpose becomes easier to see.
You also take responsibility for your life as a whole, making you more capable of dealing with negative events in the future. Having healthy self-worth allows you to make better decisions. You establish better boundaries with the people in your life. And you prioritize your overall self care, and hence, your well-being. By knowing you are worthy, you allow others to see it too.
IMAGE CREDIT: Unsplash | Annie Spratt.