Fear of death is common, but for some, it can take over their lives when faced with certain adversities. This severe form is called thanatophobia in the mental health profession. It can encompass the fear of death itself, or of the dying process. Often times in our youth, death does not even cross our minds. By pushing our bodies to the limit on a regular basis, our behaviour through young adulthood reinforces our belief that we are invincible. One close-call incident or being diagnosed with an illness can bring our mortality into the limelight. The death of a loved one can also trigger one’s own reflection of mortality.
Why do we fear death differently?
Many of us fear death to some extent. The subject has been discussed through the centuries by philosophers, scholars, spiritual leaders, and laypersons alike. As an eager student in university, I was fascinated with the concept of death and why we all approach it differently. Not surprisingly, our experiences, our cultural rituals, our familial upbringing, all influence how we perceive death.
However, having a small amount of fear can be good for us. It makes us a little more cautious in engaging in certain behaviours. Is it really the best choice to go sky diving? Can I truly drive after consuming a couple of alcoholic beverages? Then again, if you are overly cautious, you may miss out on life, such as not going on a trip or avoiding the beach because you can’t swim and fear drowning.
Upon receiving a diagnosis, the thought of pain and suffering leading to death can sometimes overwhelm patients. Undoubtedly, anyone hearing bad news can fear the worst, but it is important to not let the fear overtake your life. There are many support groups out there. Your medical team is also there to support you and make you understand the path forward. At times, you can make lifestyle choices that will limit or delay what you go through. So the awakening can actually lead to an improved life down the road.c
How do I get rid of my fear of dying?
We must all recognize that at some point in our lives we will encounter pain and suffering, for one reason or another. Preparing mentally for that challenge can help control the fear. Similarly to other fears, thanatophobia is another manifestation of anxiety. Try talking about it with a loved one, they can help you understand why you feel this way and address misconceptions you may have. Do your research and see what is in your control.
If the fear of death is tied to a spiritual or religious belief, it can also exacerbate this anxiety. Ultimately, it comes down to the factor of the unknown. Regardless if you believe in an afterlife or not, the fact that it can’t be reaffirmed, signifies a loss of control. Some may become extremist in their day-to-day lives to “ensure” their afterlife. Important to realize is that we should focus on what is in our control. In effect, this can reduce the fear and prepare us for what we will all go through. Take care of your mental, physical, and social needs. If you are spiritual, focus on what you can do to live a better life, not in fear of what could be.
Preparing for the inevitable
One of the ways to take control of the fear of dying is to mitigate risk in our regular activities. Wear a seatbelt, eat better, and stay active to name a few. But something less talked about is actually confronting the fear. At times, the root of the fear comes from the concern of leaving things unfinished. Often, therapy for fears is often exposure to the cause. With this logic in mind, fear of leaving things unfinished could mean addressing what needs to be dealt with in direct relation to your death.
Write a will or update it
Ensure your estate is distributed according to your wishes. Even if you don’t have much, making it clear gives you the peace of mind your loved ones will have less to figure out.
Legacy planning
This ties in to how you want to be remembered. It would need to be outlined within your will. If you’ve wanted to do a charitable thing, but haven’t gotten around to it, this would be the time to think it through. Do you want to leave a gift to a charity of choice? Do you want to create a charity in your name to support a certain cause? The gesture could be as simple as donating a park bench in your city, or donating a painting. It doesn’t have to be monetary.
Remains
Communicate to your loved ones your wishes for a service and/or what should be done with your remains. Take it one step further by making advance arrangements.
Letters
Leave a final note for people that you want to share thoughts with, to be delivered upon your death.
Celebrate your life
Have a gathering with people you care about before you pass. Many people on their deathbed regret not reaching out to someone while they still could. By having a gathering, or meeting one-on-one with someone, it can help you resolve any pending issues, and strengthen the relationship while you still have time.
If you are still experiencing extreme fear of dying after making a few changes in your life, or simply can’t seem to figure out where to start, please seek help from a mental health professional. They can help you identify what is happening and support you in your journey. Don’t let the fear of dying keep you from living your life.
Live each day to the fullest.
In conclusion, don’t be afraid to face your fear of dying. Take control of what you can and reflect on what is truly behind that fear. What do you want to be remembered for? What do you need to take care of while you still can.
I pose to you, that regardless of your beliefs, make every day count. We typically don’t know when our exact time comes. By focusing on living each day, you focus on what you have, not on what you don’t have. Become more mindful and grateful, which leads to a better quality of life, and in turn more peace of mind.
IMAGE CREDIT: Unsplash | Miguel Gonzalez.